This is a collaborative post
Divorcing isn’t an easy process, even if, for you, it’s been a long time coming. Divorce is, in the vast majority of cases, the last option on the pile – and it certainly isn’t something that anyone grows up aspiring to experience. For some, though, it can be a joyous event, especially where it represents a newfound freedom from a prospective life of disenchantment or disempowerment.
Even in these cases, where divorce is a cause for celebration as opposed to commiseration, the process itself can be a tough one. And it gets all the tougher if you have children, not just with respect to juggling your parental and legal duties but also in having to consider your soon-to-be-ex-spouse as a potential long-term co-parenting figure. Acrimony helps no one, though, no less the child; so, how can you navigate the next few months and years with grace, decorum and minimum drama?
Prioritise the Child, Not the Past
Your first and foremost priority as a parent embarking on a divorce is, of course, your child. In a considerable majority of divorce cases, it is crucial that you focus on what’s best for your child irrespective of the disagreements that led to the divorce; irreconcilable differences are not an excuse to deprive another parent of time with their child.
This may change with respect to your personal situation, but it is still key that you do everything ‘by the book’ – that is, let your family law solicitor do the heavy lifting for you, and keep any expressly personal conflicts separate from parenting decisions.
Communicate Like a Professional
One key way to make this easier on yourself is to approach the situation as you would a professional. Consider treating your co-parenting relationship like a business partnership as opposed to a failed personal relationship; this will encourage the both of you to remain clear, respectful, and to the point in communication, with the positive upbringing of your child as a mutual goal.
This can be bolstered by limiting the ways in which you contact one another. In-person and phone conversations may not be the best environment for this, but texts, emails, or even a dedicated co-parenting app can be better routes to sensible and mutually-beneficial arrangement.
Be Flexible but Consistent
Minimising drama can be as simple an arrangement as keeping to a regular, consistent parenting schedule. The less turmoil your child experiences with handovers, the better – and the more regular you stay, the better your working system will operate. Flexibility is what makes this work, as unexpected emergencies can be handled without blowback.
Never Use Your Child as a Messenger
As a final note, it is vital that you never put your child between you and your ex-spouse. Forcing your child to relay messages puts them at risk with your ex-spouse, and risks creating an unsustainable relationship which harms your child’s relationship with everyone. Communication is key to a drama-free divorce, just as it is a harmonious marriage – your child will thank you.
Disclosure: This is a collaborative post