I Used To Be Selfish..


I used to be selfish. I think you can afford to be when you’re in your twenties, climbing a corporate ladder and happily married. You can do as you please, with a good amount of disposable income, lots of fun to look forward to, holidays to enjoy, and relaxation time at the weekends. We could do as whatever we wanted, even being able to get up at some ridiculously late hour like 9 am! We could lounge about and watch films, go out at the drop of a hat, and whilst I’ve always loved my family and friends, I didn’t over-think these relationships, over-worry about them, I just enjoyed them and cared about them. And then I became a parent. And the world kind of shifted.

I feel more pain now. I have more empathy now. I look around and everything seems to matter more.

Whatever I feel, I feel it more deeply for my children. Whatever injustices I hear about, I relate them to my family and consider my rage if it was my family in harm’s way, and then feel pain for the family that has suffered. I find myself sobbing at another mother’s heartbreak and want to reach out and help.

And always, always, my children come first. How many mother’s do you hear say ‘I’d die for my children’? Well, yes, of course, in a heartbeat. I think it’s all of those little things, too, that add up. As soon as you become a mother, your life becomes second place (or possibly third, fourth…!), and it’s all about them and their needs. I think it should be. I’m not saying be a slave and don’t have time to yourself, to be yourself, as I think a happy mum is surely the best thing you can be. But, day to day, if I’m going out I think about their outfits and comfort and then hastily sort myself. If we’re in a restaurant, I go through the kids menu and settle the children down, and then just ask for the first thing I spot on there for myself. If we’re out shopping, it’s always about the children first and then I might look for me. You know what I mean.

It’s simply the way it is. They’re my world and I’m here to protect and cherish them. They have to come first and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My selfish days feel like a distant dream…..!

This post was inspired by Sara’s #ThePrompt game, with this week’s quote ‘Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.’ by Ambrose Bierce. Go see what it’s got others thinking about, too…


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24 thoughts on “I Used To Be Selfish..”

  1. I completely relate to this! I always rush around making sure I have everything Monkey needs, then forget to get anything I may need or want… and I do get frustrated that its’ not quite the same for hubby! He’ll get monkey ready, all in his buggy, then decide he needs a wee or a can of drink or something to take with him – drives me mad but then I suppose he doesn’t have to think of Monkey 24/7 like I do. Maybe it’s a primary caregiver thing!?

    1. It might be, it just feels in built for us to think of everything first, doesn’t it?! Nice to know you’re with me 😉

  2. I totally agree too. My wife is always telling me that I need to take better care of myself and stop putting the children first, but how can I be a good mother if I don’t? They are my everything and if they aren’t happy, then nor am I!

  3. Wonderful post Jocelyn, I completely agree that our priorities take a real shift once we have children, and I definitely have a heightened sense of empathy. You really would do anything for your kids, anything. Thank you so much for linking to #ThePrompt xx

  4. You’ve written thoughts that are in my head here hon. Coming from the background I did, the main thing that was clear to me once having children was that they would *always* come first. I don’t question this at all, or ever feel aggrieved by it. It’s just the way it is. #ThePrompt

  5. I love this post! You are absolutely right, I feel this way too. Great way to look at it from the quote. I love Mumturnedmom and her new linky. About to link up myself.

  6. With a baby who is only 6 months old I’m still getting used to not being able to just go out whenever I feel like! It’s true what you say though, I’d do anything for my boy and I always make sure he’s ready and got everything he needs before I sort myself out!

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