I went out this week. At night time, to a pub, and everything! I was meeting up with a couple of lovely friends that I used to work with. We like to get together every now and again and have a good old catch up, as friends do. I really enjoy seeing them, and every single time that I do, it’s puts me in a reflective mood.
Everything about these nights out remind me of a life that I once had. Even the journey to the pub takes me on one of my old commuter routes. It takes me back. It has me thinking about a big chunk of my life, that was so very important to me, and is no more.
I drove to the pub in my family car. I like it, but it’s not quite the same as my Audi was. My mind was full of the events of this past week, a new blog series I’m starting up, and the children’s bedtime that I’d just enjoyed. It was a far cry from thinking about mortgage regulation, advisor observations and planning appraisals, the subjects that used to pervade my every waking thought.
I thought about how much my life has changed. Just 5 years ago I wore a suit 5 days a week, not jeans and my Converse. I was sitting in traffic by 7.30 every day, not doling out Cheerios and toast. I’d have had a day of meetings, phone calls and emails ahead of me, not Play Doh, the park and story-time. I would have had holidays to Italy and LA planned, not Cornwall and Skegness. I got total privacy when I went to the toilet, ate my meals without interruptions, slept in at the weekends, and got to do pretty much whatever I wanted. I was respected and in control. Now, I am….not!
I didn’t have my cards business, I didn’t have this blog, which are two huge parts of my life now, and all of the friends and opportunities that have come along with both of these things. I wouldn’t have found my new interests in baking and gardening, and I know I wouldn’t have gone back to my old letter-writing days. And obviously the most important factors in all of this, I didn’t have my beautiful Boo and Little Man.
I had freedom and I had money. I could have it again, to an extent. I could go back to working like this. I would barely see my children, of course…This is what these meet-ups always have me reflecting on.
Things have changed beyond all recognition in my life, though my fabulous Husband remains my rock. He makes me feel worthwhile, when all I’ve done that day is run round after the kids and clean up, rather than recruit, coach or motivate someone. I used to feel I made a real difference in my job, I had self-worth and self-respect, and I know I was good at it. He reminds me that I’m doing a great job, when I have no upcoming HR reviews to tell me so, or inspired staff to make me feel I’m doing something right. He assures me that we’re managing, when times are tough, and this is the way to live and be happy. And he is right. Looking back, I did love my job and my life, but that was then and this is now. And there’s nowhere I’d rather be.
Linking up with #ThePrompt, and this week’s prompt of ‘reflection’.