I’ve had a few emails from my son’s new secondary school. He has a transition day, we have an evening there to meet his form tutor, we’ve a uniform fitting booked in.
Secondary school is right there on the horizon. I know this term will fly by, before I know it, he’ll be there and hopefully settling in well.
My daughter begins her GCSEs in September. She’s chosen her subjects, they’re just working up the timetables so she can fit it all in and focus on those subjects that she really enjoys.
When my son starts school he’ll be 12 years old – his birthday’s at the start of September. A few weeks later, my girl will turn 15.
The thing is, I feel like they were only this old a couple of years back…..
The days have gone by so quickly, and I have been privileged to be here for every single one of them.
I look back on those days, the toddler and new-born days, the early primary school days, the endless round of kids’ parties, the learning to read, the family trips out, the sleepless nights, the noise levels in the house when they played, the toys everywhere, and it feels so far removed from where we are now. OK, apart from the noise levels – my girl’s always singing, my boy’s often shouting as he games!
These two little humans were perfect to me when they were born and they are even more perfect to me now.
They’re kind, they’re loyal friends, they’re bright, they’re funny and they make me proud constantly.
I mean, they can also be annoying and frustrating too, let’s keep it real here, but right now they’re not in the house with me and I always think about them more fondly when they’re not next to me pestering me for something!
At 11 and 14, parenting has shifted.
I no longer need to be as ‘physically’ involved. I don’t have to do every school run, I don’t have to go out with them all of the time, I don’t have to supervise bath time, I don’t need to be the one to get their toys out and help tidy them away, I don’t even need to feed them all of the time, although they do tend to prefer that I do that than them!
I have more time to myself. They like to spend time with their friends, they can occupy themselves when they’re home, they can manage if I pop out for a walk.
Of course, they are way more complicated than they were when they were little. Tweens and teens can get wrapped up in school stuff, friendships stuff, and there’s the added layer of them understanding more and more about the world we live in.
So whilst they might not need me in the ways that they once did, they still need me. These days my job is to guide, to help them make the right choices, to suggest things they might like to try and do. I’m doing what I can to help them grow into the people they are meant to be, and to be able to stand on their own two feet in a few years’ time.
But I think the biggest parenting shift I see these days is how much more we can enjoy one another.
I needed to do things for them before, now I like to. They relied on me to always be there before, now they choose to spend time with me.
Trips out are easy, holidays are relaxed, our TV viewing is more grown up (I’m talking Modern Family rather than Peppa Pig!), board game afternoons are more evenly matched, we get to recommend books to one another and late nights are a fun treat rather than something we’ll pay for the following day!
For any parents out there with kids teetering on the edge of tween or teen-dom, take it from me, it’ll be fun.
It’s just different, it’s yet something else to get used to, as it always is when you have children. You get used to one stage and the next one rolls in.
The shift in parenting kind of creeps up on you, and before you know it, you’re looking around and wondering where the time went and how you got here.
Enjoy being ‘here’.
They might look a lot bigger, they might even be bigger than you now (I’m glad we’re tall, we’ve still a few more years to look down rather than up at them!), but they’re still your kid on the inside. They still want those cuddles, they still want you looking after them, they still want reassurance as they navigate these tricky years and they still want to feel safe and happy at home. You’ve spent over a decade doing all of that, so you’ve got this.
The parenting shift. It’s actually a lot of fun.
I still think of your two as little ones, time really does fly.
Good luck to your daughter with her GCSE’s.
I loved it when my girls were little but now they are older and more independent it is wonderful and a lot of fun! x
It does, and thank you. It is, it’s fun when they grow up! x